And they make bad decisions..
So this is post is going to be a (mostly) negative post, I’m afraid, and that’s because it deals with the subject of using children as ‘weapons‘ in a relationship breakdown.
I hope, like me, even just seeing those words in print, makes you shudder so I’m afraid that the stories I’ll recount in this article will probably make you want to cry. They certainly do me.
Looking back, we were aware that my OH’s oldest son (now 8) was being (what I call) “indoctrinated” within weeks of the boys delayed homecoming – after my OH was granted full custody in 2015 – their birth mother had attempted to appeal the decision just before a holiday period, which of course meant that they had to stay with her whilst the appeal was considered, and denied! On their return it was obvious that the oldeest had been “seeded” with comments such as “if you stay” or “when you come home to mummy” or “when daddy can’t manage” “or even (I kid you not) “If that b***h leaves and daddy has to go back to work” – She was never afraid to swaer in front of the boys, one of the things which came out in multiple reports in the custody hearings……..
I’ll leave that one there…
Anyway, over time, and after the social workers caught her trying to do it once during a period when the boys were staying with her for a school holiday, she had to cut it out. We thought she might also have realised that the oldest of her sons had figured out that she could no longer make up things and fool him, he was becoming more capable of seeing facts for himself.
We should have known better because it began to start all over again once the twins reached about 3-and-a-half….. along with the subtle question as to “why can’t you and mummy be a family anymore?” which would be pulled out every now and then – especially if either the (now) 7 YO or the slightly more mature twin would find the only wedding photo left in the house (which was kept as a momento by the 7 YO but had a habit of disappearing)
Apparently, however, this woman is now not content with just trying to get to us through the 5 YOld’s, which is low enough, she’s made a move on her 8 YOld AGAIN! On the drive down to her mothers home (Where she has been living since she left in 2014) she decided to discuss her marriage with the 7 YOld – telling him that my OH had been ‘Mean” to her whilst they were together!
Why do you involve a psycologically undeveloped child in a conversation like that, when you have trapped them in a car so they can’t get away if they are uncomfortable (which he was – according to his own words) and then expect them to engage in that kind of conversation with you?
What did she hope to achieve? I genuinely don’t understand at all!
Unfortunately, I am aware that the poison is already taking its toll. My OH sat our 7 YO down to try and explain the complexities of ‘Grown-Up’ relationships etc and how ultimately it didn’t stop either him or his birth mother loving them all very much. When asked if there was anything still bother him, my SS’s response was “Yes”.
“Why can’t you and she get back together again so I can be like all my fiends – they just have proper families”
So much for the joy of a blended family….